That's One Sadistic Kuriboh
by TTY7
Summary: Randomness is the fantasyland for abridgers everywhere; a place where jokes make no sense, references are the key to comedy, and the plot is abandoned. Enter the world of Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged, a place similar to the description provided, but now everything has been flipped according to the will of one sugar-high college student. What insanity shall ensue? Find out...if you dare.


A/N: This is the most random thing I have ever written. Period. However, I wanted to display a tribute to the creator of Yugioh: The Abridged Series, so here is the most random story ever, posted for no other reason except I was bored. This is not meant to be taken seriously by any means. By the way, Yugi speaks in ebonics. Kaiba will speak some ebonics too, but only in certain spots. Again be warned, this has absolutely no plot, no forethought, no nothing. It's just complete craziness that makes no sense. If you can handle one chapter stories that make no sense whatsoever, feel free to continue. Otherwise...run far away.

Disclaimer: Yugioh and Yugioh abridged do not belong to me. The original Yugioh is owned by Kazuki Takahashi and Yugioh abridged belongs to LittleKuriboh.

_That's One Sadistic Kuriboh_

The shrill ringing of the school bell instantly alerted Yugi Muto that he was late for class again. To make things worse, there was a giant test scheduled for the day, which was surprising since he couldn't remember when the teachers of Domino High actually taught class. Actually, he spent most of his days playing Children's Card Games with Joey and mind chatting with the Pharoah while oogling Tea every other minute. Despite being annoyed with Tristan's voice half the time and his senile grandpa at home, Yugi Muto lived a decent and happy life.

But as of late, things had been a bit weird in the city of Domino. Adults and adolescent teens were setting aside the card games to work in corporate businesses and children were actually playing the card games that were specifically made for them.

If that weren't enough to tip Yugi that something was off, it later became clear that the insane characters of this crazy series were becoming…normal.

It started with Duke Devlin. In the course of a week his iconic theme music had faded out, leaving the room in silence even when he spoke. At first, Duke was really upset about it, but after a while he just shrugged it off and continued playing Dungeon Dice monsters agreeing with everyone that it was exactly like Duel Monsters.

Tristan was next. His voice had become less funny and less annoying all at once. In fact, these days Tristan barely talked at all and he gave no more lines about how his voice gave him super strength.

Tea…she was still Tea.

Joey ceased to make the 'nyeh' sound that was so iconic for him and his Brooklyn Rage disappeared from his dialogue completely.

"Well, those is some weird coincidences," Yugi stated aloud. "_Yo, w__hat does you makes of it, pimp-tight Yami?_"

"_Do—de la la la!_"

Yugi froze mid-step in the hallway. "Yo! What da…what was dat yo!?"

"_Do—de la la la. La!"_

"_Yo Yami, iz dere somethin`wrong wif you? What 'chew trippin foo'?_" Yugi mentally questioned, beckoning the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle to join him. Slow seconds passed and with each second that Yami didn't show up, the foreboding feeling in Yugi's stomach grew. Oh, yeah, there was something weird going on.

"Yugi, get into this classroom right now," a teacher suddenly called out. Yugi frowned a bit. "_I didn't even know we had dose._" With quick steps Yugi entered his classroom. Everyone was seated in their chairs and no one was playing card games.

"Take your seat Mr. Muto," the teacher stated, extending his hand to the seat next to Tea. Reluctantly, Yugi sat down in his chair, praying that Tea didn't start with her friendship speeches. He was sure to lose his sanity if she did.

"Good morning Yugi," Tea began, drawing out her words. "Guess what we're talking about today."

Yugi slapped his hand over his forehead. "_Yo! __Please don say friendship. Please don let this pasty brunette beauty say friendship._"

"PENGUINS!"

"Thank heaven for Shinequah," Yugi blurted, sighing in evident relief.

"Quiet students, quiet," the teacher commanded as he walked through the aisles. He passed out a single sheet of paper to each student. "What I am passing out are the grades of last week's test. Most of you failed miserably…"

"WHAT IS THIS!?"

The gazes of every student retracted to meet the fearsome glare of Seto Kaiba. Without warning he rose from his chair in the back of the room with his test in hand and shoved it into the teacher's face. "I demand to know why there's an F where my A should be!"

"Hey, shouldn't 4kids censor that?" Tristan questioned, his voice sounding way too normal.

"Hey, look at this!" Joey exclaimed, jumping from out of his seat. "I got a perfect score on the test! Talk about super special awesome."

Yugi pouted. "Dat's my line Joey!"

The blonde geek only smiled. No 'nyeh' sound to be heard.

"Dis here be an outrage!" Kaiba snarled, wrapping both of his hands around the teacher's neck. "I'm Seto Kaiba! There's no room in my life for imperfection! I'm a boss man, a super special awesome boss that screws the rules."

The teacher tried to talk, but he couldn't get much out past Kaiba's hands around his neck.

"Weird, I've never seen Kaiba this upset about anything," Duke stated, his theme music…gone.

"Penguins, penguins, penguins!" Tea cheered.

"_Man, where's the pharaoh when you need him!?_"

"_Do—the la la la la!_"

Yugi couldn't help but wonder what was making that stupid sound.

"_Do la la la!_"

Vaguely Yugi could see the outline of a spirit in his head. He expected to see the pharaoh, but instead…

"_KURIBOH! WHAT IS YOU DOING HERE_!?"

"_Do la la!_"

Yugi shook his head in complete shock. "yo! _You kidnapped da pharaoh and turned Tea into a penguin obsessed robot? What chew' thinkin yo?_"

"_Do la!_"

"_An you da reason why Kaiba gots a failing grade?_"

"_Do de la la la la!_"

"_Word, b__ut why Kuriboh?_"

"_Do—la la la the la la la and de la la and it was whack yo, and to the la, la la on the right and the la la on the left. La do la do la la and do la."_

Yugi's expression deadpanned. "_Okay...what?"_

_"Because I'm planning on taking over the world with my adorableness! You cannot stop me you sniveling worm!_"

Yugi's expression deadpanned further upon the realization that Kuriboh sounded awfully similar to Bakura. Speaking of which...

"I'm sexy and I know it," Bakura sang, staring into a handheld mirror while a chorus of cheerleaders surrounded him. Upon noting Yugi looking at him, he smirked. "Them baby panda eyes ain't got nothing on me for I'm the prince of all Saiyans..."

-Silence-

"Ahem, sorry I meant, I'm the prince of Egypt."

Yugi sighed, at least he knew where the pharaoh's personality had gone off to, but that left the question of what happened to the spirit of the Millennium Ring, otherwise known as Florence, and Bakura, the poor sap who was gullible enough to be taken over by him.

The young King of Games decided that he didn't want to know, that and he was distracted by the sudden appearance of Marik Ishitar wearing the navy blue school uniform, which was buttoned up all the way.

For Marik, the second overly flamboyant villain of the series, to not reveal any skin whatsoever is really abnormal, not to mention that for once...he didn't look like he could be mistaken for a woman.

Yugi blinked as Marik began to pass by his desk. "Yo! Marik, why is you up in here pimp?"

"Because shut up."

Well, that was rude, but by that point Yugi was distracted by the sudden clang of the teacher hitting the floor. His eyes widened upon seeing the stab wound on his back.

"_What...what the hood rat honey biscuit just happened up in dis here classroom!_"

Seto Kaiba's insanity driven laughter answered the question, that is if you don't include the bloody knife in his right hand. He glanced across the room, his eyes losing focus. "Now...who else wants da hug?"

Joey stood, pointing directly at the C.E.O. "I'd knew he'd lose it someday. All that work has made him a raging psychopath!"

Kaiba smirked. "I think I'll start with you binky boy."

Joey blinked rapidly, looking for any type of escape routes, but then Serenity suddenly appeared on the scene, a bright smile on her face. "I'll take a hug Seto."

"Serenity don't!"

Yugi was so freaked out he had no idea what he was supposed to do. One thing was for sure though, this situation was not super special awesome by any means. After all, every student was being held hostage by the suddenly psychotic Seto Kaiba who had just gotten through "hugging" Joey's sister. This would have called for Brooklyn Rage, but instead of that happening, Joey simply passed out, overwhelmed by the horror of it all.

Then, out of nowhere, Yami busted into the room, wearing Duke's usual outfit when he wasn't at school. He held a pair of dice in his hand.

"Kaiba! I can't stand by and allow you to kill these wackos," Yami stated, moving the dice around his palm, Duke's theme music pumping louder than ever before. "It's time...to play...DUNGEON DICE MONSTERS!"

Tea chimed in then, saying, "No! This isn't how this scene is supposed to go at all."

Yugi stared at her, wondering if Tea would become the beacon of hope in this terrible sea of craziness...

"You're supposed to say, it's time to play DUNGEON DICE PENGUINS!"

Yugi's head slammed onto his desk. "I gives up. Kuriboh you win!"

"_Do la la ahahahahaha! Victory is mine! Now Zorc and I will turn this world to ash! Ahahaha..."_

_"Not so fast fluffy..._"

Yugi sighed. "_This ain't no groovy nightmare._"

"_It is I...Ishizu Ishtar, ruler of the Millennium Necklace and the true dictator of all the world. Bow before my awesome might before I smite thee to dust._"

"_Please, why should I..."_

_"Because fluffy, if you do as I say and return these fools back to normal, we shall find a less confusing and more diabolical way to destroy Yugi Muto. Besides...this dress is making my butt look fat."_

Kuriboh scoffed. _"Very well, I don't like being this cuddly anyway. Still...I think we should leave Kaiba as he is. It'll be fun to watch him tear apart the city as well as his reputation."_

_"Yes, that would be fun wouldn't it...even so that is not our primary objective,_" Ishizu mentally stated. "_Our mission is to destroy Yugi Muto in a complicated way that makes some sort of sense. This plan makes absolutely no sense at all. It's like the writer's of this show have been replaced by a sugar-high college student with nothing to do but type on their computer all day."_

_"I don't pity saps who don't have a life."_

_"Hush fluffy! We must return to Egypt to conduct another super special awesome plan to destroy Yugi Muto with the council of doom."_

_Kuriboh rolled his eyes. "I don't know why we don't just kill the bloke. He's sitting right there..."_

_"Shut up, shut up, shut up!"_

Yugi just wished the mental conversation going on in his head between the two crazy figments of his imagination would end. They were driving him out of his skull. Too much more of this and he was going to start asking people if they wanted "hugs."

Speaking of which...what happened to Melvin anyway?

* * *

On an island many miles away from civilization

Melvin took a sip from his wineglass, watching the sunset out on the balcony of Pegasus' castle in Duelist Kingdom.

"This day is simply fabulous!"

* * *

A/N: Complete and utter randomness. That's all I can say. I shouldn't be allowed to eat donuts.


End file.
